There are many “scary” numbers like 666 or 4. My scary number is 39. Yes, 39 gives me a lot of anxiety. 39 is the end of your 30s! For me, it’s the last year to squeeze every ounce of immaturity out before the start of the dreaded 40s. When you turned 30, did you feel old? I sure didn’t. All the way up to 38, I was like, “I can still HANG with the 20-year-olds”. But now, I can’t help but notice white hair, dimples and brown spots spreading through nukes and cracks of my body like chicken pox. And where did all my pumped up, hyper sensitive adrenaline run off to? Nowadays, it’s a win just to go hiking once a month. Ahhhhh…the dirty signs of growing old. I turned 39 a couple of months ago…I’m totally scared. I’ve always lived my life willing to put myself out there and experience new things. So shouldn’t I know my true passion by now?
I am a 39 year old wife, with no kids, a wonderful husband, a decent job that is only 10 minutes away. I know I have it good, but why do I feel every day that I’m meant to do something else? I truly envy people who know what they are meant to do in the lives. To be a doctor and save lives, to be comedian and bring laughter, to be a mother to a child. So what am I meant to do? I know that God gave me all my talents for a reason. And with the technology nowadays, how can I not find what I love to do? My fear is when I turn 40, I will still have that aching lost feeling and I would waste the rest of my life just passing by and not making it worth something. Something right now needs to change. I need to change.
So I’m going to do something about it! I made a list…read my “White Wall of Things to Do“. I’m actually really excited about this new endeavor because I know it’s going to be an adventurous journey full of surprises and wonderment. I want to try to figure out what makes me jump for joy, what makes me shake in pure eagerness and most importantly, what makes me forget about time. Will I be able to find that magic? Maybe, maybe not but it is positively better than doing nothing.
So when should I start? Well why not now?! And actually starting this blog and my YouTube channel was first on my list. (Patting myself on my back) So come along with me or start your own list! Let’s see what happens in a year!